Helping Your Teen Manage Mean Girls

Adolescence is a time when belonging and approval from one’s peers becomes paramount, as teenagers individuate from the family unit and develop their own identity.

Unfortunately, when there is so much at stake, the temptation to step over others to get to the top can be all too alluring.

Games of power and control are endemic within adolescent peer groups, particularly for females. Males tend to rely on physical strength or humour to determine the pecking order, whereas the hierarchy amongst girls is established through interpersonal interactions and communication. Social exclusion, gossip, the silent treatment, belittling and conditional friendship are all weapons girls may use to reinforce their own sense of inclusion and value.

Too often I hear statements like: “Girls will be girls” and “It’s just a phase.. they’ll grow out of it”. But the truth is, this kind of behaviour extends all throughout the lifespan! Isn’t it better to help your teenagers learn to cope with the nastiness, so they will be equipped to manage it in adulthood? And why should we accept and normalise this behaviour? Can’t we teach our girls to fight against relational aggression, to create a culture of women respecting women and building each other up?

So what can we do to help teenagers navigate the minefield that is the adolescent social milieu? Here are my top tips: