Problem Solving for Children (and Adults)

Children face problems and challenges everyday. Some of these will be small and manageable, and others will be more difficult and possibly feel overwhelming or frustrating. Problems can occur in many different forms and contexts, from a disagreement over a toy, to peer-pressure, or difficulty with a maths task. While parents can sometimes be there to help solve problems with their children, it is much more important to help children become independent problem solvers. 

Children with problem solving skills experience less frustration and anger as they have tools to find a solution to whatever challenges they come across. This results in children who feel more confident and independent, and are more likely to experience success.

Problem solving skills can be broken down into simple steps. By teaching children the following 5 steps, they will have the building blocks for solving problems independently. These steps are suitable for children from about the age of 5 years.

5 Step Problem Solving

1.     How do you feel?  

Name the emotion(s) and calm down. Coming up against problems often leads to feelings of frustration, anger, or anxiety. Before we can solve our problem, we need to know how we are feeling (name the emotion), and calm these feelings. 

* Help the child come up with a good label for their feelings and let them know that all emotions are ok and useful.

* Help the child have ways of calming down: take a break, go to their ‘calm place’, or do some calm breathing.

2.     What is the problem? 

We need to know exactly what the problem is before we can solve it.

You can ask questions such as: Why do you feel angry or upset? What part of this is hard?

* Sometimes it might be helpful to break a problem into smaller parts or ‘chunks’ and work on one part at a time.

* Help the child focus on things that are within their control

* Gently remind the child that the problem belongs to them, not to other people. Don’t blame others for the problem.

3.     What are some solutions? 

It is helpful to think of as many different solutions to the problem as possible. Be creative. They don’t have to be ‘good’ solutions, just possibilities. 

* If the child gets stuck, help them brainstorm solutions, but make sure the child does most of the talking!

* Point out that the more problems you solve, the easier it is to think of solutions.

4.     What would happen?  

Think about what would happen if you chose each of the solutions you came up with. 

Is the solution safe? A safe solution means no one will be hurt or upset. Is the solution fair? How will everyone feel?

* Make sure the child thinks about both the positive and negative outcomes of each solution

5.     Choose and try a solution: 

Choose a solution. Try your solution. Did it solve the problem? 

If the solution does not solve the problem, you can try one of the other solutions you came up with.

* If a solution is unsuccessful, help the child to work out why and encourage them to try another possible solution.

These problem solving skills involve understanding and managing emotions, creative thinking, decision making, critical thinking and perseverance. All great skills for any child to have in their armoury!

Of course, many adults also struggle with problem solving and will benefit from learning or practicing these skills along with the children.