Moving Toward A Life With Meaning
By living your life according to your values you can have a more meaningful and fulfilled life, and this can lead to increased wellbeing and resilience.
What Do We Mean By Values?
Values relate to what we want our lives to be about and who we want to be, like a guide to our best life. They’re not about goals or what we think we could or should want, but rather what we care about, think is important and would like to work towards. Looking into your deepest wishes, what do you want for yourself?
It’s important to note that there are no right or wrong values. They are not determined by others’ expectations or what we think is the ‘right’ thing to be doing. Each person’s values are their own choice, and are unique to them. Values are also not goals. They are directions or guiding principles in life that are ongoing, unlike goals that can be achieved or accomplished.
How To Identify Your Values
Here are some common value areas (not all of them may apply to you):
Intimate relationships
Parenting
Family relationships
Friends
Work
Education
Fun/leisure
Community
Spirituality
Health
There are many more potential values, but these provide a good starting point for identifying some of your key values.
Consider how you would like to be in each of these areas of your life, assuming there were no obstacles. For example: What personal attributes would you like to bring to each area? What type of relationships would you like to build? What would you like to learn or be surrounded by? How do you relax? What do you enjoy? How would you like to look after yourself? Why are these things important to you?
By asking these types of questions about each relevant area of your life, you will start to build a picture of your values and what you find meaningful to move towards in your life.
How To Start Moving Towards Your Values
We move towards our values by making choices and undertaking actions that move us in the desired direction. Actions can be very simple and observable steps that are consistent with your values. For example, ‘talking with my partner over dinner’, ‘going to sleep earlier’, ‘listening to my children without interrupting’, or ‘walking in nature’.
So plan some actions or steps you can undertake that would move you in the direction of some of your values. Start with simple actions and add to these as you move along your value paths.
Why Might It Be Important To Try And Align Our Lives With Our Values?
If you don’t live a life consistent with your most important values you are likely to experience feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and a lack of purpose or meaning. All of these affect your overall wellbeing.
Importantly, however, if you are moving in a direction consistent with your values, you are better able to cope with painful or difficult experiences as you continue to provide meaning in your life. You do not need to ‘fix’ any difficulties you might be experiencing (e.g. anxiety, depression, disordered eating) before having a worthwhile life if you are able to continue to move in a meaningful and fulfilling direction.
You may also be better able to challenge yourself in order to act in line with your long-term best interests and values. For example, if nurturing friendships is an important value to you, you might challenge your preference to isolate yourself so you can be there for a friend’s birthday.
