Where Did My Libido Go?
Lost that feeling of wanting to rip your partner’s clothes off, and wondering if there’s something wrong with you?
Our interest in and willingness to have sex changes from day to day, week to week, year to year.
The meaning and importance of sex is different for everyone, but it can often play an important role in connectedness and intimacy in relationships. A loss of sexual desire can impact upon how close we feel to our partner, and can trigger negative patterns of communication and action.
If you’re concerned about a loss in sexual desire or arousal, take yourself through the following points to see if you get a clearer picture about what might be going on.
Sources of Sexual Desire
1. Neurological System (the brain and nervous system) – This sets your baseline sex drive level. Your sexual appetite is then either turned up or down depending on activity in other brain areas.
2. Hormonal System – Age, medical conditions, medication, menstruation, pregnancy and breastfeeding all influence hormone levels which can change sexual desire.
3. Physical Wellbeing – Pain, sickness, fitness, alcohol consumption, fatigue and medication can all influence sex drive.
4. Personal Wellbeing
- Thoughts and Feelings: The kind of thought patterns going on for you, and the emotions that you’re experiencing, can either make sex and intimacy more or less likely. Body image, self-esteem, and emotional wellbeing are all key contributors.
- Lifestyle and Environment: Privacy, time, work/life balance, comfort and general life satisfaction are all important elements that provide the foundation for sexual desire or a lack of it.
5. Relationship Wellbeing – How close do you currently feel to your partner? What are your conversations like? Do you feel supported and listened to? Do you have fun together? Is there adequate trust, commitment and acceptance? Intimacy and satisfaction within your relationship are prerequisites for desire and arousal.
After taking an inventory, you may have identified one or two (or more!) variables that may be responsible for your sexual desire suffering. The good news is, by working on these, it is possible to resurrect your drive. If you need help getting back on track, a clinical psychologist can help support you reclaim your libido.
