Prioritising FUN!
Life is hard! Life is exhausting! Life is stressful!
How many times do we hear ourselves telling people some variation of this theme? I hear it from clients, I hear it from friends, I hear it from family, and I also hear it from myself. Sometimes I catch myself out loud telling loved ones of my struggles, sometimes it’s more the voice in my own head focusing on all the things I need to get done, the constant juggle of day-to-day responsibilities. Other times it’s triggered by unexpected difficulties, challenges, or really painful experiences. This is normal, understandable, and to be expected! We are all human. We cannot live a life free from pain or struggles.
Our minds are designed to keep us safe, and part of that design means looking out for danger or problems to solve. Some theories suggest our minds are even hardwired to be negative as part of this survival mechanism! Talking about it is not necessarily a problem either. Reaching out to share our experiences often connects us to others, and helps us to feel supported, loved, or understood!
And yet even though these patterns may be understandable and adaptive to some extent, what happens to our quality of life when we find ourselves getting sucked into constantly focusing on how difficult life is?
I’m certainly not suggesting we invalidate these feelings. It’s important to acknowledge and recognise when we are struggling, and to not dismiss these feelings. And at the same time many of us are living lives of such pressure, expectation, and demands, that we forget that whilst life can be hard, exhausting and stressful, it can also be joyous, exhilarating, exciting, and FUN!
If you feel stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, continuous venting about problems, feeling weighed down, stressed, or constantly under pressure to meet demands, it might be time to prioritise some fun!
Here are some quick tips to get you started:
1. Understand what is stopping you from prioritising fun already! Is it the stories your mind tells you about being too busy or having more important things to do? Or that you don’t “deserve” to have fun? If so, either notice and name that process to remind yourself that these thoughts aren’t facts and may not be all that helpful; or try compassionately challenging some of those beliefs! Doesn’t a meaningful life include plenty of moments that bring you joy or vitality? And if so, what could be more important than living a meaningful life? Out of 168 hours a week are you genuinely so busy there is no way at all to carve out even a few extra minutes here and there to prioritise some light-hearted enjoyment? Is sacrificing fun for all other things in life really the life you want to choose for yourself? Or is it more just that you are so used to telling yourself this narrative that you no longer stop to question it?
2. Reflect on the way children see the world. To them, fun is a big priority! They naturally live in the moment; and left to their own devices they are often carefree, boisterous, exhilarated, and full of vitality. Perhaps it’s only when they have been worn down by the messages we adults tell them that these things change! How often do we constantly say, “Hurry up, we don’t have time for that” or “You need to stop that and be quiet” or “Careful! Don’t do that or something bad will happen” “Work harder” “Study more” “Be more responsible” etc. Yes, we need to teach and guide them, but is it really them that needs to learn these things from us to such an extent? Or are there actually things we could learn from following their lead a little more often?
3. Think back to what you used to enjoy when you were a child! Don’t presume you’ve outgrown them! Maybe there are things you used to love that you don’t make much time for anymore? Reading fiction? Nature walks? Playing board games? Picnics in the park? Dressing up in different outfits? Listening to music? Daydreaming? Hanging out with friends? Pamper time? Day trips to special places - museums, the zoo, aquarium, swimming pool, beach etc?
4. Reflect on buried goals, hopes, and dreams. It’s an old cliché, but if you found out you only had a year to live, what would you want to do with that time? There could be some bigger items on your list that may not be feasible right now, but are there smaller things you’ve always wanted to try? Are you caught up in the never-ending cycle of daily demands to the point you’ve put fun on hold? Reflect on places you want to go! Hobbies you want to start! Small things you’ve told yourself you’ll do one day when you have more free time! There quite literally is no time like the present for any of us, so seize the opportunity and take action towards fun now, however small that first step is!
5. Embrace new experiences! When we feel stuck in a rut or life has lost its spark, sometimes we struggle to see the beauty in everyday activities because we take them for granted. Practicing gratitude can definitely help, but so can shaking things up by trying new things! Explore a different park, beach, or suburb, call a different friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, watch a new movie, treat yourself to a new haircut or item of clothes, plan a trip to somewhere you’ve never been, take a class in something new, walk a different route around your neighbourhood, order a different item on a menu etc.
6. Be Present! There’s no point in engaging in activities if you’re going to simultaneously be preoccupied with what you still need to get done, or what happened earlier that day, or why you don’t have time for this. It’s critical you throw yourself into the activity fully. Practice mindfully focusing your attention on what you’re actually doing rather than whether you could/should be doing something else! It’s also important you don’t do fun activities with the expectation of getting rid of negative feelings, or you’ll probably be too busy analysing if its working (or more likely telling yourself it’s not!). Instead approach things with openness and curiosity and see what happens!
7. Let go of guilt! No matter who you are or what life you are living, you matter. You deserve to feel joy in this world. You deserve to prioritise yourself sometimes. You deserve to be free to pursue things that bring you enjoyment! It may take some juggling initially to figure out the balance of how to make it work, but once you start, you’ll realise just how vital it is for your wellbeing!
8. Understand cycles of low mood! If you’re struggling with low mood, energy, or motivation, or telling yourself you’ll start things once you feel better, it may be helpful to understand how this vicious cycle works. Withdrawing from activities often decreases mood further, and to reverse the pattern sometimes you need to push yourself to do things first, with an increase in mood often following! If you’re telling yourself you don’t deserve to have fun because you’ve been struggling to meet responsibilities, remind yourself that allowing yourself to prioritise fun might boost your mood, which in turn might make it easier to complete these tasks. Or perhaps you already are prioritising “fun” over responsibilities like study or chores but are you really allowing yourself to fully participate in and enjoy the fun activity or are you spending the whole time beating yourself up or feeling guilty about it which means it’s not actually “fun”?
9. Start small! If you’re tired and under pressure you don’t need to take up new hobbies, join new clubs, take big trips etc to have fun. Those things can be great if you have the capacity and resources, if not, identify small, achievable “everyday” ways to have fun! Set aside 15 mins to read a chapter of a book you enjoy each night. Prioritise watching one new movie or episode of a TV show you like. Plan one phone call or catch up with a friend. Take 10 minutes to really savour eating something special. Plan one date night with your partner. Tell one silly joke to your kids or ask them to tell you one. Identify what “fun” means for you and prioritise a small dose of it in whatever way you can!
10. Get Help. If all the above ideas feel overwhelmingly hard for you, and trying to reflect, problem solve, or overcome barriers feels impossible, it might be worth reaching out for more support. It’s natural if your mental health is suffering everything will be so much more difficult, and if you feel you can’t do it alone, make an appointment with your GP or psychologist to explore having someone to help you navigate life’s toughest times!
