Empathy - how and why to foster it

Empathy is a word that we seem to be hearing more and more these days, in a multitude of contexts. It’s focused on by neuroscientists, business leaders, educationalists, and political activists, and has a high profile on social and traditional media. With increased awareness of empathy, both in terms of its value and the effect of its lack, I increasingly see people who are questioning their level of empathy. This is a complex concern, but perhaps a response could be that we should all be aiming to increase our empathy in healthy ways.

So, what is empathy? 

Simply put, empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else’s position, particularly in terms of what they are feeling or experiencing. It means to understand someone else’s feelings and perspectives and to have this influence our actions. Of course this is often more difficult when other people feel and think differently from yourself. 

Increasing our empathy

How can we increase our empathic potential, improving both the quality of the lives of the people around us, and our own lives? Happily, our empathy is determined both by a genetic component and an environmental component, meaning that what we experience also shapes how empathic we are. This means that we can continue to develop and strengthen our empathy skills throughout our lives. 

Some ways that you can begin this process include:

·       Be curious. Endlessly! Be particularly curious about people you don’t know – strangers, or people you see, but don’t usually interact with. The person next to you on the bus, the person at work you don’t normally speak with, or the person assisting you in the café/shop. Ask questions, and try to understand strangers’ worlds and learn about lives, perspectives and experiences that are different from your own. Find out about their worries, dreams and passions. You can also follow people who are different to you on social media – with an open mind - to hear what they have to say. 

·       Listen fully (and respectfully) to others. This means being fully present and not interrupting. Try to be open to others’ emotions, needs, perspectives and ideas, even if you don’t agree with them. 

·       Reveal your own feelings and make yourself vulnerable. Empathy is built on an exchange of authentic information about feelings, beliefs and experiences. Opening yourself up and sharing is as important as listening.

·       Observe other people’s nonverbal communication. Notice their body language, tome of voice and facial expressions, and when these change during a conversation.

·       Take time to imagine “walking in someone else’s shoes”, or actually try experiencing someone else’s reality. Go somewhere where you are in the minority, or find other ways to experience what it is like to be out of your comfort zone. Notice how it feels.

·       Practice random acts of kindness. When the opportunity presents itself, do a small kind act to benefit others in some way, either without them knowing, or without expecting anything in return. Notice when others do the same for you.

·       Notice labels and look for individuality and commonality. We often use labels that set people apart on the basis of social status, religion, race or other criteria, leading to prejudice. Be aware of these labels or biases and search for what you may have in common with people, rather than what sets you apart. Notice the individual, not the label.

·       Purposefully empathise with people who seem like adversaries in some way because of their beliefs. For example, if you believe in global warming or a particular approach to education, try to understand the thinking of someone who doesn’t share your view, without judgement. This is a powerful way to begin a process of communication, and perhaps change or cooperation.

Why does it matter?

Healthy and expanded levels of empathy have been associated with numerous benefits. Connecting with others’ worlds can play an important role in many aspects of life. 

Empathy…

• Allows us to better understand and relate to others, enabling the creation of deeper emotional connections, including intimacy and trust, with others. This can result in more successful marriages and better work relationships and effectiveness.

• Encourages helping behaviours and makes it hard to ignore another’s suffering. Acts of kindness and altruism improve social order and cooperation, increase forgiveness and while increasing our mental wellbeing.

• Can help us to understand ourselves and our emotional world, and increase emotional regulation, when it is at healthy levels. It can change the way we see ourselves and how others see and respond to us.

• Leads to better and more resilient parenting.

• Can contribute to humanity’s compassion, allowing us to meet global challenges

• Helps maintain connection, social order and cooperation. 

Of course, it should be noted that high levels of empathy are associated with significant concern for the wellbeing and happiness of others. While this can be positive, it can also lead to feelings of overwhelm, emotional burnout, anxiety or alienation. Healthy empathy requires self-awareness and balance, so that the needs of others can be understood and taken into account, without sacrificing your own emotions and needs. Being empathic with yourself, and practising self-compassion, is also an important part of emotional intelligence and mental wellbeing.