2 Quick Questions for Thought Challenging
As most psychologists will tell you, the way we think and the way we speak to ourselves has a huge impact on the way we feel and act.
According to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), an important part of mental wellness is, firstly, being aware of our thinking and the power it can have over us, and secondly, being able to challenge thoughts that are creating distressing feelings or unwanted behaviours.
Thought challenging can take many forms, but here are two quick questions I often get clients to ask themselves when they notice themselves getting stuck in something.
(Of course, these questions can only be asked once you’ve tuned into your self-talk and identified a few specific thoughts that are possibly contributing to your current headspace).
Is this thought true? (Or, how true is this thought?)
The old adage is “thoughts aren’t facts”. Our brains aren’t objective computers which produce factual output – they are just a ‘good enough’ organ, highly impacted by our sensory systems, our memory, our upbringings and worldviews. Just because you are having a thought, does not necessarily make that thought true. Sometimes we miss or discount aspects of a situation because we don’t notice it or we undervalue it.
You may need to ask yourself ‘how true is that?’. What is the evidence for this thought? What is the evidence against it? What am I basing this thought on? Have I missed some evidence to the contrary? Am I magnifying one particular interaction or comment and generalising?
For example, a common thought for people with social anxiety is “I will be awkward”. Asking yourself ‘is this thought true?’ may involve trying to be more specific about what you mean when you think ‘awkward’, and then finding concrete examples of when that has been true before (e.g ‘I went in for a handshake instead of hug today’ or ‘I left a long pause in-between statements at the job interview last month’) but also looking for concrete examples of when it has not been true (e.g. ‘A friend laughed at my joke yesterday’ or ‘I got invited to a social gathering last week’).
Is this thought helpful? (Or, how helpful is this thought?)
Consider what the consequences are (positive or negative) when thinking like this. Does this thought lead me towards my values or away from them? Does this thought lead me to helpful and effective problem solving or am I getting stuck? What behaviours do I engage in when I think like this? What feelings and emotions come from this thought?
Using the answers to these questions, we can understand whether or not a thought is helpful. Often, thoughts that are less true are less helpful. Sometimes, however, a thought may be ‘true’ or have strong elements of true, but it’s still very unhelpful.
For example, using the socially anxious thought “I will be awkward”. Perhaps I recognise that I do have awkward tendencies! (Doesn’t everyone?!). However, I may also recognise that getting fixated on the thought “I will be awkward” takes me away from my values (e.g. I avoid parties, or over-prepare for social interactions, and I pay close attention to how much my hands shake). Getting stuck on the thought “I will be awkward” may also make my ‘awkwardness’ worse, perhaps I avoid eye contact as a safety behaviour, or I drink excessively to manage my anxiety but end up saying things I regret later. In this instance, the possible truthfulness of the thought may be less important than the unhelpfulness of the thought in directing my behaviour.
Now what?
After examining our thinking, it may be helpful to try and create a new balanced thought, taking into account how true and how helpful it is. Instead of “I will be awkward”, perhaps we might think:
- I may be awkward, and I still want to go to the party
- I’m never as awkward as I think I’m going to be
- Everyone gets awkward sometime
- I may or may not get awkward, I’ll have to see how the event goes
