Shoulds and Musts

Do you ever find yourself saying or thinking ”I should” (or shouldn’t) or “I must”?. We might say this to ourselves when there is something that we feel we need to do or want to do.

This pattern of thinking which we call shoulds and musts is an unhelpful thinking style that every person may engage in from time to time. Unhelpful thinking styles can also become automatic habits that individuals may not realise they are engaging in. This becomes problematic when these thoughts cause an increase in anxiety and decrease in mood. When this happens regularly and consistently this may have a detrimental impact on an individual’s social, academic, occupational and personal life. It is common in anxiety disorders and depressive disorders that an individual’s symptoms may be maintained by unhelpful thinking styles such as shoulds and musts.

Saying or thinking I should, or I must often puts pressure on ourselves as it may set up unrealistic expectations. This may then cause us stress which may lead to procrastination and disappointment.  

If you are somebody who may notice yourself having shoulds and musts thoughts, there are ways in which we can begin to filter our thoughts. This can help us determine whether the thought is realistic and fair which may alleviate some distress that the thought caused. It can be helpful to write the thought down, then ask yourself:

Am I putting more pressure on myself, setting up expectations of myself that are almost impossible? What would be more realistic?

When we are stressed or tired, we may be more prone to engaging in unhelpful thinking styles such as shoulds and musts. This can be managed by maintaining self-care strategies particularly during times of stress which may include, exercise, relaxation activities, stress relieving techniques and mindfulness.

When we begin to pay more attention to this pattern of thinking we can get better at stopping it in its tracks!