Grief and Loss

At some point in our lives we may experience losing someone close to us, or we may experience a challenging life event that can cause us to feel a sense of grief.

Grief is our response to loss. It is the normal, natural and inevitable response to loss, and it can affect every part of our life, including our thoughts, behaviours, beliefs, feelings, physical health and our relationships with others.

Grief is an individual experience

Everyone grieves in their own way. Your grief is unique to you, and as long as you are not causing harm to yourself or those around you, there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ ways to grieve. We do not always know how people are grieving simply by what we see. Some people are open and expressive with their grief, crying, and wanting to talk, whilst others are more private, may be reluctant to talk and prefer to keep busy. Other factors, such as culture, gender and belief systems can also influence the ways that people grieve.

Life grows around grief

It is a common myth that people ‘get over’ grief. The reality is, a part of us will always grieve the loss of our loved one. With time, the pain will lessen, but the sorrow we feel will always be a part of us. When people grieve they are coming to terms with what has changed in their lives. There is no ‘return to normal’; rather, we have to learn to live around a new kind of normal –re-learning the world and re-learning ourselves within it

Strategies to help manage grief

• Keep a diary or journal.

• Create a memorial – do or make something to honour your loved one.

• Develop your own rituals, e.g. light a candle, listen to special music, make a special place to think.

• Allow yourself to express your thoughts and feelings privately. Write a letter or a poem, draw, collect photos, cry etc.

• Exercise – do something to use pent-up energy, e.g. walking, swimming, cycling, gardening.

• Do things that are relaxing and soothing.

• Some holistic or self-care ideas that may assist include meditation, distractions, relaxation and massage.

• To help with sleeplessness: exercise, limit alcohol and caffeine and try to maintain a routine, especially around bedtime.

• Sharing with other people can reduce the sense of isolation and loneliness that comes with grief.

• Allow people to help you; don’t be embarrassed to accept their help. You will be able to help someone else at another time. It is your turn now.

• Talk to family and friends; sharing memories and stories, thoughts and feelings can be comforting and strengthen your connection with your loved one.