Dr. Amanda Hale Dr. Amanda Hale

Talking To Your Teen About Suicide

I have a lot of parents contact me following a suicide, looking for guidance about how to best support their teenager cope with such a tragedy.  The impact such an event has on family, friends, the school and local community is enormous. This can be a difficult conversation to have, so I’ve put together some talking points for navigating such an event. 

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1. There is No Right Way to Grieve

  • Some people might be very upset, some confused, some indifferent, and some unsettled. Everyone grieves in their own individual way. Common reactions include shock, disbelief, mood swings, guilt, anger and anxiety. 

  • As everyone responds differently to grief, some individuals may want to talk about it, some may appear to be unaffected, some may withdraw and appear distant. All are normal responses. 

2. Grief Has Its Own Timeline

  • It’s not uncommon for individuals to continue to experience ups and downs over weeks or months while dealing with grief.

  • Most young people going through grief do not require professional support. However, if you are concerned about ongoing difficulty in a young person’s mood, thoughts or behaviour, it’s important to seek additional support. 

3. Start A Conversation About Suicide

  • Many parents worry that talking directly about suicide, or asking if their child has ever had thoughts about suicide might plant ideas – this is not the case. 

  • Talk about how mental health conditions like depression, eating disorders and anxiety can make someone think that suicide is the only way out. Talk about how this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and that there are effective treatment options available.

  • Ask your child if they have ever had thoughts of suicide.

  • Make it clear that you are always available to help and listen without judgment to any difficulties they may be having, and that they are never alone. Ask if there is anything you can do to make it easier for your teenager to talk to you about how they are feeling. 

4. Be Available And Supportive

  • Encourage your young person to stay connected to friends and activities

  • Provide some information about the nature of grief

  • Validate how painful this must be for them, and allow them to take time to grieve

  • Let them know you are available and willing to talk openly and honestly about how they are feeling

  • Ask how you can best support them

  • Check in from time to time to ask how they’re feeling

  • Try and organise some fun activities to do together

  • Don’t try and minimise their experience by saying things like “It’s not that bad” or “It’s time to move on”.

  • Anticipate dates that might be particularly difficult (e.g. birthdays, anniversaries) and try and come up with a plan to manage them.  

  • Explore ways of expressing grief that may resonate with your child – e.g. journaling, memorials, photos etc.

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In summary, by understanding the nature of grief, having patience with the process, not being afraid to have difficult conversations and being available for your teenager, you will be meeting their needs as they go through a difficult time. 

 

If you are concerned and think your young person may need additional support, you can:

1.    Contact the Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800), Lifeline (13 11 14) or eHeadspace (eheadspace.org.au)

2.    See your local GP

3.   Talk to your School Counsellor  

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