Making Big Decisions

I see so many people who are in the grips of making a seemingly impossible and overwhelming life decision. It may be whether to stay in or leave a romantic relationship, whether to change careers, or whether it is the right time to have child. The number of variables to consider in making these big decisions, the amount of uncertainty involved, and the risk involved in getting in wrong means that there is no way around difficulty. And as much as I want to step in and tell my clients what the “right” decision is, unfortunately it isn’t my role, and there is no “right” decision anyway!

Here are some tips to help navigate the decision-making process:

1. Pros & Cons

Put some time aside when you’re not feeling too emotional to write up a list of pros and cons for the options available to you. Make sure you include both short- and long-term consequences.

2. Connect to Your Values

Taking a big picture perspective, think about what truly matters to you deep down. This is the stuff that you want to stand for in your life, the kind of person you’d like to be remembered as, the kind of friend/partner/parent/daughter/employee you’d ultimately like to be. This can be a helpful anchor for the pros and cons exercise to frame whether the different options take you towards or away from these principles.

3. Don't Overthink It

 If multiple options take you towards your values and don’t have disastrous consequences, pick either one. Don’t stress about deciding which is “better” if both are taking you in the right decision. Similarly, thinking too far ahead will complicate matters unnecessarily and introduce too much uncertainty and possibility. 

4. Avoiding Making a Decision is Making a Decision

If the prospect of getting it wrong, or the pressure to make the “right” choice is too overwhelming, we can be paralysed and avoid thinking about the issue altogether. Doing so means that we are actually making a decision anyway. 

5. Reconnect With What Matters

 It can be easy to get so caught up in the mind chatter related to the decision-making that we disconnect from other areas of our lives. Make an effort to stay present and engaged in what matters.

6. Have Self-Compassion

This is difficult stuff. Hold yourself gently, talk to yourself kindly, don’t expect too much of yourself. Have patience, and think about what you would say to a friend in a similar situation. Recognise there is no perfect solution, and it is likely that it will take time to resolve the issue. Practice self-care and look after yourself in the process.