Learning to be Less Controlled by Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion and how to achieve it
How are our Thoughts like Facebook Comments?
It can be helpful sometimes to look at our thoughts as if they were comments on a Facebook post. When you look at the post, there might be thousands of comments from people all over the world. In the comments, there are all sorts of different opinions. Just because the comments are there in front of you, does not necessarily mean that you take all of the comments to be fact, honest, or helpful, just because you can see them. However, some of the comments might actually be factual or helpful in some way. Because we know that we can’t necessarily take the comments to be fact at first glance, we look at them with a critical eye before we choose to decide if they are helpful to us or not. It is helpful to look at our thoughts in this same way, with some distance.
Observe Your Thoughts Without Judgment
We have thousands of thoughts that come in and out of our minds at any given moment, which we have no control over. Some of the thoughts might feel random, unhelpful, dishonest, hurtful, surprising or scary. Some of the thoughts might feel helpful, truthful or kind. Because the thoughts we experience have been created in our own mind, we tend to grow up believing that whatever they are telling us is true. We also label them in our mind to be “scary” or “sad”, which invariably leaves us feeling scared, depressed, anxious or bad about ourselves.
When we hold onto, or “fuse” with our thoughts in this way, the thoughts themselves can become controlling and prevent us from seeing other options. It is helpful if we can observe our thoughts in the same way we observe Facebook comments - with a critical eye, from a distance. Even better, if we can look at them without judgment, and not label them as “scary”, “sad”, “happy” or otherwise - instead just be a curious observer - our thoughts will have less capacity to control us.
How To Do It
Cognitive defusion involves seeing thoughts and feelings for what they are,streams of words, passing sensations - not what they say they are: ‘dangers’, ‘truth’ or ‘facts’. Cognitive defusion is about:
noticing thoughts rather than getting caught up or buying into the thought
letting thoughts come and go rather than holding onto the thought.
The purpose of cognitive defusion is to enable you to be aware of the actual process of your thinking so you are better able to reflect objectively and problem solve effectively before taking any action. Read on for some tips on how to observe - or defuse from - your thoughts.
Stop/Step back/Observe:
Notice what’s happening – your thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, images, memories. Notice the way you’re interpreting what they mean, and how that’s affecting you.
External voice:
Instead of saying, “I’m going to fail,” say, “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail”, thereby creating some space between you and the thought.
Name the story:
If all these thoughts and feelings were put into a movie titled “the something something story”, what would you call it? For example, “the I’m going to fail story” or the “no one likes me story”.
Type it out:
Imagine your thought on a computer screen, then play with itby changing the font, colour and formatting.
Pop-up mind:
Imagine that your unhelpful thought is like an internet pop-up ad. Practice closing the pop-up window.
Say it slowly:
Say the thought in slow motion. What do you notice about the power of the thought now? Is it as painful or uncomfortable as it was before you practiced this strategy?
Thanking your mind:
Next time an unhelpful thought pops into your head, try saying “thanks for that brain.” After all, your brain thinks it’s helping!
Carrying cards:
Write difficult thoughts on small cards, or make a note of them on your phone and carry them with you. It helps show you that you can carry your history with you without losing your ability to control your life.
Use metaphors try to see things differently.
For example:
Passengers on the Bus: You can be in the driving seat, whilst all the passengers (thoughts) are being critical or shouting directions. You can allow them to shout, whilst focusing on the road ahead. Can you stay focused on driving your bus safely to your destination?
Playground Bully (our thoughts can be our own internal bully)
Victim 1 – believes the bully, distressed, reacts automatically (bully carries on)
Victim 2 – challenges the bully (bully eventually gives up, but mightcome back later, more strongly)
Victim 3 – acknowledges then ignores the bully, changing focus of attention.
Leaves on a stream: When the thought pops up, imagine placing it on a leaf on top of a gentle stream and watching as it disappears.
The Beach Ball: We try to stop thoughts – we hold the ball (thoughts) under water, but it keeps popping up. This can be very tiring after a while. Instead, we can allow the ball to float around us, just letting it be.
Thought train: We can sit on the train, watching the scenery (thoughts, images, sensations) go by, or stand on the platform watching the thought train pass by – we don’t have to jump on it.
The Tunnel: When we get anxious driving through a tunnel, the best option is to keep going rather than try to escape. This feeling will pass – there is always an end to this tunnel.
The Mountain: Whatever the weather, or whatever happens on the surface of the mountain – the mountain stands firm, strong, grounded, and permanent. We can be like that mountain, observing thoughts, feelings, sensations, knowing inner stillness.