6 Tips For Coping With A Break-Up

There are few that escape the devastating pain of heartbreak. Whether it is from experiencing such loss firsthand, or witnessing a loved one go through it – it can be one of the hardest life episodes to navigate. 

Although there are few, if any, helpful ways to escape the pain, there are some steps to take to look after yourself in the event of a broken heart

1.    Give permission to yourself to grieve.

 Grief is an individual process that can look different for everyone. All emotions, of all intensities, are normal and acceptable. Judging yourself for feeling a certain way, creating expectations about how you “should” be coping and criticising yourself for being too sensitive are all so unhelpful and make an already difficult time more painful. Making space for your grief and having compassion for yourself in the process actually helps you move through the emotion more easily.

2.    Focus on people and activities that bring you joy.
Even if you’re unlikely to enjoy things to the level you used to, it’s important to keep connected to friends and family, and schedule activities and tasks that have brought you a sense of enjoyment and fulfillment in the past. Giving in to that urge to stay in bed with a box of tissues and litres of ice cream may be easier, but in the long-term will keep you stuck. 

3.    Keep a balanced mindset.

After a break-up it can be easy to get swept up in your emotional mind and focus on all the positives about the relationship, romanticize your ex-partner, and catastrophise about being single for the rest of your life. This kind of thinking can make you vulnerable to giving a second chance to a partner who doesn’t deserve it, allowing mistreatment and lowering your threshold for acceptable behaviour in a relationship. Be honest with yourself… how much of the time were you truly happy in your relationship? If you create a picture of your ideal relationship, how did your partner’s behaviour and commitment measure up? What would your advice to a friend be if they were in a similar situation? These exercises are all about connecting with your rational mind, to avoid being pushed around by your emotions and making choices you later regret. 

4.    Use the opportunity to reflect. 

If you could have your time again, what would you have done differently? What changes would you have made to the relationship? How can you use this information to make more helpful choices in the future? Every failed relationship is a step towards the right one, so use it as a learning opportunity towards your next relationship.

5.  Self-care, self-care, self-care.

Go back to basics to reduce your vulnerability to being overwhelmed by your emotions. Get enough sleep, exercise, fuel your body and mind with healthy food and don’t overdo the alcohol.

6.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

As humans, we’re designed to depend on others in times of difficulty. Don’t feel like you have to “be strong” and just deal with it yourself. Connect with friends and family, and consider professional help if your pain is causing you too much distress and getting in the way of your life.