Four Approaches to Any Problem Situation

We all come across difficult situations and challenging people.. unfortunately it's part of life. Although there is no magic wand to get rid of stressful circumstances (I wish there was!!), we can certainly learn to navigate these bumps in the road more successfully. By learning how to cope with difficulty better, we protect our own emotional wellbeing and make things easier for ourselves. 

A "bump in the road" can come from any area in life. Just how big the bump it is however, is often up to us.

There are essentially four ways we can respond to a problem situation.

1. Leave/Avoid the Problem (if possible) 

This is not as easy as it sounds, and is a tough decision to make. But sometimes, ending the relationship, letting go of a toxic friendship, or leaving your job can be the best way to look after yourself. It's about deciding whether your quality of life will be better if you do leave. You can't know for certain whether this is the case, but you can make a prediction based on past experience. 

2. Accept the Situation & Build Tolerance

This is sucking it up. Coming to a place of acceptance that it is what it is, and learning to live with it. Again, easier said that done. But there are many skills you can learn to work towards acceptance. 

3. Accept What is Outside Your Control & Change What Can Be Changed

I.e. - your behaviour! It is a hard lesson to learn that you cannot control what other people choose to do, along with a whole bunch of other variables. What you do have control over is how you choose to act. Draw the boundaries of your control and act in line with the person you would like to be (even if other people choose poorly!!). This may involve working on your communication, practising assertiveness, changing how your spend your time. (Ideally,  you can work towards practising both 2 & 3  together).

4. Stay, Give Up & Make Things Worse

This is what using no skills looks like - staying in a problematic situation, not doing anything to improve it nor practising acceptance. This option makes things infinitely harder for yourself and others. Ruminating, arguing, worrying, analysing, getting angry, depressed or anxious. This leads to attempting emotional control strategies that also make things harder in the long run - turning to alcohol, drugs, television, shopping, self-harm or food. 

There is no right way to act - by reflecting on what you want the outcome to be, you can decide which approach is going to take you in the right direction. A clinical psychologist can help you develop the skills that make navigating problematic situations much smoother... think of it like servicing your car - we help adjust the suspension so you don't feel the bumps in the road so deeply. 

Remember, the bumps will always be there. Sometimes we just need to get better at handling them.