The Power of Self-Compassion
Everyday, millions of people around the world are facing a silent battle: that of self-criticism. Self-criticism is that negative dialogue in your head that criticizes your self-worth, plants seeds of doubt about your abilities and can cripple your desire to step outside your comfort zone.
Often the internal self-critical voice may have originally been external. If you listen carefully, it may have similarities to the way a caregiver, close friend or a teacher may have spoken to or about you.
Sometimes people who are self-critical have positive beliefs about being mean to themselves. They may feel it motivates them to do better in life and prevents them getting a big head. However, if you look more closely you may see that self-criticism actually can paralyse you, make you feel bad and is often unfair (e.g. you may be making a global judgement about yourself based on one mistake in a specific area).
The good news is that you can alter the way you think to increase self-compassion in your life:
1. Step away from debating whether the criticism is true or false.
Instead, reflect and ask yourself ‘How do I feel when I talk to myself like this? How does it impact my behaviour? Does it lead me closer to or further from the life I want to live? Is it helpful or harmful?’.
2. Think of how you would treat a close friend.
Imagine a friend is going through a difficult time. How would you respond to your friend? What tone of voice would you use? What would you say and what would you do? Start practicing talking back to your self-critical voice in this compassionate voice (that you may usually reserve for everyone but you!).
3. Be gentle with yourself physically.
Often when we are in pain we may feel it in our body. There may be a heaviness in our hearts, tension in our jaw, a sinking in our stomach. When you feel overwhelmed, take both your palms and place them over the part of your body that becomes triggered when you are self-critical. Close your eyes, take three slow breathes in and imagine the warmth of your hand spreading through your body.
4. Acknowledge that it will take time to change this habit.
Think about how many years you have been self-critical. Change in our self-talk is definitely possible, but it is based on consistent, regular practice. At first, like any new skill, it will feel awkward, unnatural and difficult to believe. This is normal and it will take a few months of dedicated practice to shift.
