Managing School Refusal

School refusal occurs when your child has significant absences from school due to emotional difficulties such as anxiety or friendship issues. School refusal can result in your child falling behind academically and socially, and can create conflict at home.

When children and teens avoid situations due to anxiety it can make it much harder to give new things a try in the future. Fears are stubborn and they don’t go away until we stand up to them.

The following steps can assist your child getting back to school. Remember, they will still feel nervous going to school, but a certain amount of anxiety in life is normal and we all need to learn how to do things we find unpleasant or difficult. This is how resilience is built.

Gradual exposure

• Develop a ‘stepladder’ from easiest steps (e.g. sitting in the school parking lot with mum for one hour then going home) to hardest (e.g. going to school full time) with your child. This way they are gradually exposed to going back to school and are less likely to be overwhelmed.
• Brainstorm how to break the ultimate goal down into small steps, with each step being a little more difficult than the last. A useful place start with the step-ladder is to work out what your child can already do (e.g they can do half days with no problems).
•  Ask the child to give each step a worry rating (0 – not worried at all to 10 – most worried you’ve ever felt).
• Resist move too quickly up the stepladder – children need to feel confident at each stage before moving up. Repetition is key. It’s also okay if each step doesn’t go perfectly. This teaches your child that even if what they fear were to happen, it isn’t the end of the world.

Rewards 

• Rewards are an incredibly important part of developing a hierarchy. For each ‘step’ your child works on there should be a meaningful reward that you have come up with in collaboration with your child.
• This can be activity based (having a sleepover, getting to choose take-away for dinner, getting to play on the computer for longer than usual, going for a surf with dad) or material based (tokens, favourite snack after school, clothing, make-up, new book, nails done).
•  Remember, you are asking your child to do something they really don’t want to do. It’s like telling them we are going to remove a tooth without anaesthetic. Rewards can soften the fear of going back to school and make compliance with the hierarchy more likely.

Praise them for facing their fears

• Ultimately we want to change how they view of themselves, from someone ‘who has anxiety’ to someone ‘who has anxiety but doesn’t let it get in the way of living their life’ 
• Get your child involved in other activities outside of school to build up their self-esteem and social skills

No technology on days your child stays at home

• For a moment, put yourself in your child's shoes….you find school hard, boring or lonely. Would you rather go to school everyday or stay at home and watch Netflix? Technology can be a huge contributing factor in why it is so hard to get some children and teens back to school. Whilst at home, it is wise to take away their phone, laptop and TV privileges from 8am until 3:30pm.