Tips On Growing Closer To Your Partner

In my last blog, I described some useful techniques for communicating effectively in relationships (please read below). Continuing along this theme, this month I will be describing some effective tools to maintain closeness within your relationship. Whether you are a new couple or you have been together for many years, there is always room to grow closer. Keep reading for some simple yet effective ideas for growing closer to your partner.

1. Accept your similarities and differences

Accepting that our partners are different from ourselves is important. Think about your partners’ interests, skills, likes, dislikes, personality, values, and temperament. If you find yourself wanting to change any of these things about your partner, try instead to think about all of the reasons these attributes attracted you to them in the first place. Reflect on how these differences help you to learn and grow as an individual and together in your relationship.

2. Encourage and compliment pleasing behaviour

Let your partner know how much you appreciate it when they empty the dishwasher or leave their shoes outside. Comments like this mean that your partner is more likely to engage in this behaviour again, and also helps them to feel appreciated and noticed.

3. Improve physical intimacy

Growing closer physically is just as important as growing closer emotionally. Physical intimacy and sex improves both physical and emotional closeness in relationships. There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ sexual relationship, but there is always space to grow closer through physical intimacy. Try some of these tips to enhance your physical intimacy:

• Even if it can feel awkward, communicate! Talk about what you do and don’t like, your needs, and what you might like to try. Think about looks, clothes, touching, kissing, stroking, manners, environment, sexual acts, foreplay, or after sex.

• If one or both of you are experiencing lowered libido, focus instead on the sensations of touch. Spend time just touching and stroking each other, use a massage oil. Resist the temptation to engage in intercourse, climax or touch each others’ genitals. Just enjoy the feeling of their skin touching yours, and the feelings of physical closeness

4. Be spontaneous

Being spontaneous and making decisions on a whim can help bring excitement and vitality in your relationship. Engaging in new experiences together also enhances feelings of closeness. The next time you both get home from work, instead of having dinner at home - why not take it to the local park instead? Some other ideas you might like to try together could include:

• Going for a walk

• Going camping

• Having a bath

• Cooking a special meal

• Going to a movie

• Playing a card game

• Painting

• Dancing in the kitchen

• Giving each other a massage

• Playing a game of tennis

5. Set aside time to go on a date

If being spontaneous is tricky, prioritise spending time together by making plans to go on a date. These plans should be put into your schedule and stuck to, just in the same way going to work would be. They are plans that can’t be broken and should be put above everything else. Try any of the ideas above, or:

• Go for a drive to the hills

• Visit an arcade

• Go to a museum or art gallery

• Visit a trampoline park

• Take a class together

• Watch the sunset

• Visit a farmers’ market

• Go for a bike ride

• Play mini golf

• Visit an observatory

• Make a homemade pizza

6. Demonstrate acts of appreciation

You chose to be with your partner for a reason – remind them and yourself why that is. Showing your affection though acts of kindness can improve your bond and remind yourself why you got together in the first place. Try any of the following acts of appreciation:

• Kiss or touch when saying goodbye or returning

• Surprise them with a note or card

• Ask them about their day and discuss what happened

• Plan a night out for them

• Compliment them on their appearance

• Cuddle them and be affectionate without sex

• Touch hands when talking or walking

• Make your partner a cup of tea or a drink

• Ask them for advice

• Tell them during the day when something reminds you of them

• Look after your partner when they are unwell

• Joke with them, be playful

• Do your fair share of work around the home

• Ask about their personal feelings and problems

• Make them a playlist of their favourite songs

• Buy them a book you think they would love