Window of Tolerance
What is it?
The ‘Window of Tolerance’ is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. It’s a way of understanding our reactions to and ways of managing stress. He describes three ‘zones’ that we might be functioning in at any one time.
The first zone is when we’re ‘in’ our Window of Tolerance, this is also called our ‘comfort zone’ or when things are fairly normal. When ‘we’re in the zone’ (so to speak) we’re able to function fully. This includes:
- Being able to see choices, understand options, predict consequences and make decisions
- Notice our thoughts and feelings
- Regulate our thoughts and feelings appropriately, including self-soothing
- Plan and think deeply
- Feel a range of emotions appropriately and comfortably – excited, concerned, happy, relaxed, disappointed. It’s completely normal of have ups and downs within this zone.
Certain situations or events can push us out of our Window of Tolerance.
We can be ‘out’ of the Window in two ways – in states of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. ‘Arousal’ is a psychological term which often just means how ‘activated’ we are. To put it simply, one is ‘up’ and one is ‘down’.
Hyperarousal describes the ‘too much’ zone, this is when we are in ‘Fight or Flight’ mode:
- We react to situations, we aren’t able to respond
- Instincts and split-section reactions are more common
- We notice physical sensations of stress: sweating, heavy breathing, shaking, restlessness, flushed face, racing heart, agitation
- It’s hard to notice our thoughts (perhaps they’re spinning really fast) and feelings (maybe their changing quickly)
- It’s difficult to moderate our thoughts and feelings – it takes a lot of time and effort to calm down again, or they feel out of control
When we’re in this zone, it’s often more difficult to function – concentration and memory might be impacted, so working or doing school is hard. We might not be sleeping or eating as well. Relationships might also be more difficult because we feel stressed or irritated.
Hypoarousal describes the “too little” zone. This is when we are in ‘Freeze’ mode:
- We feel numb or disconnected from ourselves and others
- We feel ‘stuck’ or ‘shut down’
- Thoughts, feelings, sensations might be dulled or hard to access
- We might find it hard to make decisions or know what to do or take action towards certain goals
Similar to when we’re in “too much”, when we’re in this zone, concentration and memory might be also impacted, as might be our sleeping or eating. Relationships may also be more difficult because we are less responsive or seem very flat.
It’s important to note that:
- Everyone’s window looks different! Things that might stress you out, and push you ‘out’ of your window might not be that stressful to your partner or your child. Some people respond to stress or triggers by going ‘up’, some people respond by going ‘down’ and sometimes we don’t know which way it will go
- Trauma or chronic stress can narrow our window – you might find that smaller and smaller things begin to make you anxious or angry or flat. Perhaps you used to spend a lot of time ‘in’ your Window of Tolerance, but now often things are “too much” or “too little”
We’re going to look at 4 tips on how to use the Window of Tolerance – three things to do, and 1 thing to avoid.
What to do
(1) Be aware
It’s so important to be aware of where we are (and where our loved ones are) in relation to the window.
I sometimes suggest to families to have a print out of the Window of Tolerance of the fridge, and have a small magnet for each family member – start each day with placing the magnet where you’re feeling at that morning, and feel free to move throughout the day.
Spend some time checking in regularly with yourself. Perhaps rank yourself on a scale of 0-10, and create a range of zones (e.g. hypoarousal is 0-3, normal is 4-7, hyperarousal is 8-10), or begin journal each morning, or spend some time in mindful body scans.
Know your ‘warning signs’ – what does being ‘in the zone’ feel like, how will you know? What does being in hyperarousal feeling like, how will you know? What does being in hypoarousal feel like, how will you know? For some people, noticing physical sensations is easiest to flag what zone they’re in, for others it’s their feelings, or the speed of their thoughts, or their productivity.
(2) Get back into the window
When you notice yourself out of the window, either up or down, work out how to get back into the window.
There’s a whole range of ‘distress tolerance’ or ‘emotional regulation’ skills out there – pick and choose ones which work for you.
They might include: fast or gentle exercising, mindful breathing, guided meditation, taking a shower, making a cup of tea, speaking to someone you care about, spending time in nature, distracting yourself with a funny video, listening to music, lighting a candle.
Sometimes the same techniques can be helpful regardless of whether things are ‘too much’ or ‘too little.
(3) Widen the window
When you’re back in the Window, work out ways to stay there and perhaps even ‘widen’ the window. When we’re feeling regulated and settled we’re in a much better position to help ourselves remain there.
Strategies might include processing the stressful event, journaling about it, or doing some cognitive challenging to work through beliefs or assumptions which contributed to the stress.
Practice good self-care, and create a good routine. Prevention is better than cure! Perhaps set a 10-minute window each day (or week) to do something for yourself. Maybe plan out your week or your semester or your day to notice when stress points might occur, and plan accordingly.
Practice distress tolerance techniques when feeling calm! There’s no point trying to try out a new breathing technique when you’re in the middle of a panic attack – we should be trying out emotional regulation strategies (particularly things like mindfulness or breathing strategies) when we’re settled, it is a great way for your body to get used to them.
What not to do:
(4) Push yourself – add stress to stress
When you notice yourself outside of the window, adding extra stress or pushing yourself can often make matters worse.
This might look like continuing to engage in the argument with your partner or child, or remaining in the presence of the stress trigger (maybe an assignment or email), or pushing yourself to work harder or calm down right away.
Often what we need to do is ‘step away’. To take a physical or emotional break from the trigger, and practice a bit of self-compassion.
The same principle applies when caring for those we love – perhaps a friend, partner, or child. When we notice them outside the window, it’s often time to ‘take a break’ and enable each other to breathe and re-set. Try not to re-engage (with the trigger or situation or stress-point) until you’re both back in the window.
I’ve found the ‘window of tolerance’ an incredibly helpful guide for increasing awareness of ourselves and our stress responses. Self-awareness, particularly of our activation levels, can often be an amazing tool in beginning to self-regulate and also care for ourselves, and those we love.
