So, what do you want to get out of therapy? The ‘miracle question’

Goal setting is a central element of many psychological therapies. However, people often feel quite overwhelmed or demoralised by distress or problems, and this can get in the way. So, when asked about what outcome they would like from therapy, or how they would like things to be different, many people struggle to identify clear and achievable goals.

Before looking at some ways of clarifying your goals for change, it is worth noting that any goals should:

·       Be important to you, and not driven by others’ perspectives

·       Focus on what you want to do (or how you want to behave) differently. Ideally, such goals are not about how you want to feel (e.g. “have better self-esteem”; “feel happier”) or what you want to have/get.

·       Be stated as things you want to do more of or differently in your life, not as undesirable things you want to stop doing or to get away from (e.g “stop having panic attacks”).

·       Be something you can start and maintain by yourself (under your control). Your goal can’t depend on something or someone else changing, or changing first.

One way to help identify potential goals is to use what has been termed the ‘miracle question’.  This exercise gives you the opportunity to explore possibilities for change, by focusing on moving toward a more satisfying life. Here is a version of it for you to try:

Suppose that one night while you were asleep, there was a miracle and the difficulties you’re struggling with are no longer a problem for you. However, because you were sleeping you don’t know that the miracle has happened. So, when you wake up, what will be different that will tell you that a miracle has happened, and that your difficulties no longer bother you?

It is important to visualise the evidence of the miracle, creating a detailed, practical description of your life where current difficulties are not a problem for you anymore. Some questions that might guide this process include:

·       How would you know the miracle had happened?

o   What would you notice?

o   What would be different?

o   What would you see?

o   What would you hear?

·       What might you have started doing that you weren’t doing before?

·       What would you be doing differently or more of?

o   Towards/with others

o   At home

o   At work

o   In your spare time?

·       What might others close to you notice that would tell them that the miracle had happened – that things are different or better for you?

·       Can you think of a time when things were a bit like this day after the miracle?

By exploring the miracle solution carefully (ask yourself the above questions multiple times, be specific and detailed in your answers; be careful to avoid ‘feelings’ goals), and elaborating on what would be different in terms of behaviours, multiple possibilities for steps towards change may start to emerge. In this way your (imagined) future can inform the present.