Is Online Trolling the Sign of Our Cultural Demise?
Dr John Gottman has spent four decades researching and formulating an understanding of relationships and communication.
His famous theory describes four communication styles that are more likely to contribute to problematic and destructive dynamics within relationships. These are termed the ‘Four Horseman of the Apocalypse’ – modelled on the Christian reference to a prophecy of future tribulation by the ‘horsemen’ of death, famine, war and conquest. Gottman’s terms within the context of a relationship include criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the most destructive negative behaviour in relationships, and the number one predictor of relationship breakdown. Gottman considered the expression of contempt in a relationship to be the most important sign that the relationship is in trouble.
What does contempt look and sound like? It describes a range of behaviour that can include sarcasm, condescension, hostile humour, name-calling, mimicking and body language such as eye-rolling and sneering.
Why is contempt so destructive? It is an expression of cruelty. An act and expression of disrespect that conveys disgust and superiority. At the heart of it, the message is: “I’m better than you. And you are lesser than me.” It is deeply personal, and is an attack on someone’s sense of self. Functionally, it inevitably leads to more conflict, and can facilitate a cycle of destructive interaction that only moves the pair away from reconcilitation and resolution.
Not only can contempt have devastating emotional consequences for the partner and relationship, but the presence of this pattern has physical consequences. Research has found that couples who are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses.
In the context of a relationship, this pattern can be acknowledged, addressed and rehabilitated, if both parties are willing and wanting to work on the relationship.
It is the contempt that can be observed on social media, towards strangers and public figures that has led to my reflections on the four horsemen recently. As a culture, we have never before been exposed to the scale and relentlessness of abuse the internet and modern media affords. If contempt within a couple signals the imminent collapse and downfall of a relationship, what does the presence of contempt within media, within our online world, signify? If research in relationships is anything to go by, it is a sign that certain parts of the media and online world are spiralling towards dangerous and destructive conflict, social breakdown and poor emotional and physical consequences. In the words of Gottman, this display of contempt culturally could perhaps be the most important sign of impending societal collapse.
