The Impact of Traditions on Creating Meaning
As we enter into the festive season I have been reflecting on the past year and how different things are for so many people around the world, myself included. Currently in the midst of a global pandemic, most of us could not have predicted or even imagined what was in store this time last year. Every year brings about change, and this year is no different. Life requires constant adaptation and reminds us that we can at any point be thrust into unforeseen circumstances outside of our control!
Traditions and rituals can ground us, return us to a space of comfort and familiarity, and can help us to feel safe and loved. This is especially important for children, and a reason why so many kids love Christmas in a way that on the surface may appear to be related to presents and toys, but which often runs far deeper than that. Traditions and rituals signify belonging, purpose, love, and connection. And even as adults, the meaning we create can last a lifetime; transporting us back in time or being passed down to future generations.
We all have different feelings towards Christmas and the New Year. For some people, the holidays are a time of excitement, joy, and celebration; for others it may be a time of grief, loneliness, or stress. I’m acutely aware that my own feelings towards Christmas come from a place of enormous privilege. My parents gave me the gift of memories of a magical time which have stayed with me throughout my whole life. And with this in mind I wanted to add a disclaimer that the topic for today’s blog is certainly not meant to invalidate those who are currently suffering, or for whom Christmas is either not celebrated or is a time of pain or a reminder of unhappy times. It is instead intended to help create reflection on how no matter what life throws at us there is something incredibly powerful about having a clear sense of meaning in our lives: with traditions and rituals being a way of helping to create this.
Research by Dr John Gottman, a world-renowned relationship expert, suggests that when we have rituals or traditions as a couple or a family, these create a sense of belonging and connection and can strengthen our relationships. There is something so comforting and stabilising to all of us about familiarity, but re-enacting traditions or familiar rituals is about more than the repetition - it can also make us feel part of a team or group whereby we’re included and have shared experiences of joy, humour, excitement, responsibility, or love. Perhaps we have thoughts like “This is what we do in our family”, “This is what matters to us”, and at times like Christmas “This is how we celebrate”! Even if you are alone, there may still be the opportunity to create meaning through individual traditions and rituals that feel special or important to you. Perhaps these connect you to others in the wider world, or perhaps they honour memories of loved ones with whom you’re no longer able to celebrate. Many people with religious beliefs believe the meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. For each of us that celebrates it though, regardless of our spirituality it is usually also tied up in multiple layers of what it also means for us individually, in the context of our own lives. We create our own meaning through the choices we make, the things we focus on, the sense of purpose we feel through acting in accordance with our values; and through the gifts of love, kindness, or service to others or to ourselves that we can offer.
For me, Christmas has always been my favourite time of the year. Because it carries enormous meaning to me that relates to a sense of connection, belonging, anticipation and joy at re-living rituals and traditions. Some of these feel unique and special to my family and give me a sense of being part of that. Others feel shared with the wider community of my culture growing up in the UK and my now-adopted home of Australia. Others are more global and help me to feel connected to humanity as a whole.
What I know for sure though is that whilst I loved receiving presents as a child, I loved giving them more. The memories I have that fill me with such warmth don’t relate to material gifts but are instead intrinsically tied to the specific acts we carried out together as a family this time of year. I remember times it snowed when we tobogganed down the hill near my Grandparent’s house on black bin bags! I remember the tradition of attending local school fetes and being filled with joy at winning a tombola prize I thought would make a good gift for a family member (even if one year it was a bottle of gin that needed a parent to collect!). I remember waking up in the night with my younger brother every year to sneak a peek at the presents under the tree and try to guess what was in our stockings knowing we couldn’t open them until the whole family was awake. I remember the thrill of checking the doorstep in the morning to see if Father Christmas and his reindeer had eaten our offerings. I remember the whole family attending church, singing my favourite carols, and feeling so much gratitude for my life and loved ones. I remember being allowed to open one present from under the tree and needing to wait until after the Queen’s speech for the rest (which had to be watched in complete silence – an excruciating test of patience but simultaneously a critical part of the tradition that made the day so special!). I remember helping peel Brussel sprouts for Christmas dinner, and all sitting together pulling crackers, telling jokes, and wearing paper hats before tucking into the most delicious feast on earth! I remember playing board games as a family, watching old James Bond films and BBC Christmas specials together, and passing around boxes of chocolate, knowing we had to save the caramel ones for my Dad. It’s not just the big details like rules around presents or all attending church together which created meaning, it’s the smaller details that added to the sense of being part of our family with our own unique way of celebrating. The fact that there was always a satsuma and apple at the bottom of the stockings each year, the way my mum always made homemade mince pies with a star on top, the way me and my brothers always tried to choose presents for my Dad that would make him laugh (a battery-operated farting gnome was a definite highlight for him I’m sure!).
Traditions can be established any time. Honouring and cherishing them can bring enormous joy to all who are a part of them but can also create shared memories to reflect on, laugh at, or look back on. They can evolve throughout time; and can be something which spontaneously becomes part of the way things are done, or which is a carefully planned activity.
Reflecting on the rituals and traditions you already have can be a valuable gift to yourself and others this time of year. Perhaps seeing them through the lens of a cherished activity that creates purpose and magic for those around you and yourself. Maybe reflecting on any new traditions you would like to introduce, or rituals you used to do that had been forgotten about in the chaos and exhaustion of what has been a tough year for many. Even small acts can have significance! Perhaps spend time reminiscing about things you used to do or sharing ideas with friends or family members about your experiences and most treasured memories. Or if you are a parent yourself, reflecting on how you can or already do create a little magic for your kids. Sometimes we get caught up in the big picture. We feel our life lacks meaning because we’re too busy focusing on the overall year, relationship, or life we have, rather than noticing the individual moments that shape our existence. One of my favourite quotes comes from Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and it goes as follows: “The meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day, and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general, but the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.” I feel like the meaning that our own traditions and rituals can signify in each moment is equally personal; and may also change in time as our circumstances do.
We can choose to engage in acts that create or connect us to a sense of personal meaning. This can be done anytime, in any situation. It is not just what happens in our life that gives us a sense of meaning, but the way we interpret or make sense of it. One family’s traditions may be meaningless to another. One person’s most poignant memories may relate to the smallest act that signified something of great value to them. Each moment in time is what shapes our experiences and memories, and filling this season with traditions and rituals, however small, can enable us to strengthen the meaning from each individual act as it is repeated over time. For me, at Christmas, this means introducing some lightness, spark, humour, fun, excitement, anticipation, joy, and vitality through a conscious effort to connect and continue familiar activities which relate to a purpose tied into my sense of family, love, connection, gratitude, fun, kindness, and belonging. It’s not about creating extra pressure to do things in what is often already a stressful time, but instead about noticing the small things that matter to me; the feelings that come up when I honour them, and making sure they don’t get swept aside or lost in the chaos!
