Compare and Despair

Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to others then feeling worse about yourself? We might compare our possessions, career, partners, looks, character traits and financial status. For example, we might check out other people’s lives and successes and then feel like a failure. We might also feel jealous of other people’s successes.  

This pattern of thinking is called compare and despair, which is an unhelpful thinking style that every person tends to engage in from time to time. Unhelpful thinking styles can also become automatic habits that individuals may not realise they are engaging in. This becomes problematic when these thoughts cause an increase in anxiety and decrease in mood. When this happens regularly and consistently this may have a detrimental impact on an individual’s social, academic, occupational and personal life. It is common in anxiety disorders and depressive disorders that an individual’s symptoms may be maintained by unhelpful thinking styles such as compare and despair. 

Comparing ourselves to others is a natural tendency for humans to engage across the life span. As social beings, it allows us to evaluate ourselves through reference to other people and things. It becomes more problematic however when we focus only on the good and positive aspects in others and become upset when we compare ourselves negatively against them. 

If you are somebody who may notice yourself having thoughts involving comparing and despairing from time to time, there are ways in which we can begin to become more critical and analytical of our thoughts. This can help us determine whether the thought is realistic and fair which may alleviate some distress that the thought caused. It can be helpful to write the thought down, then ask yourself:

Am I doing that ‘compare and despair’ thing? What would be a more balanced and helpful way of looking at it?

It is also important to be mindful of when we are stressed or tired as we may be more prone to engaging in unhelpful thinking styles such as compare and despair. This can be managed by maintaining self-care strategies particularly during times of stress which may include, exercise, relaxation activities, stress relieving techniques and mindfulness. 

When we begin to pay more attention to this pattern of thinking we can get better at stopping it in its tracks!